WOBS welcomes Bruised Reeds

There is no doubt that there is a fine line between unwanted and unnecessary intrusion and the giving of help and support to someone who may not even appreciate he or she needs it. However when support is offered freely without prejudice, because of a genuine concern for the well-being of another, and the connection between the two is shared childhood experiences, then this seems is a line worth treading.

Indeed when the childhood experiences involve formative years at a school founded on the rule of St Benedict and community living, it seems entirely appropriate that such support should be offered and accepted. Equally, it should be remembered that those offering support may be in need themselves now or in the future, just as those accepting support may help others too.

It is with these principles in mind that we have welcomed an invitation to join an initiative known as ‘Bruised Reeds’. In this article Jake Francis-Jones explains the thinking behind Bruised Reeds and how some old boys have already benefited.

Bruised Reeds

School magazines tell us many things about alumni except where there has been failure or when hard times have been encountered. This was brought into sharp focus for me by two separate cases of Old Gregorians (alumni of Downside) who had fallen upon less than comfortable times, both contemporaries of mine. One had been diagnosed manic depressive and the other was a chronic alcoholic. Both were in need of help and neither was, of course, reported in The Raven, Downside’s school magazine. Both are lifelong friends of mine.

The first friend had been in mental hospitals over a period of thirty years or more during which time a pattern seemed to emerge: he would be “sectioned”, confined to a single cell, be put on to medication and gradually stabilised and then finally released, only for the sequence of events eventually to repeat itself sometime in the future depending on the circumstances. During the process, his marriage broke up and he gained and lost a number of jobs. He seemed, finally, to have realised that it was essential for him to remain on his medication and in touch with his doctor, until last year when he came under pressure, he abandoned his medication and his mental health inexorably deteriorated and the pattern started all over again. He is currently stable and back at work.

My other friend gradually, but equally inexorably, drifted into alcoholism which became worse and worse until he was only able to hold down a job as a shop assistant in a DIY warehouse, when he would draw his pay cheque at the beginning of each month and drink until all the money had run out—literally. Often he would return home in a disgusting state or be brought back by the police from the gutter, but his wife stayed with him, keeping the facts to herself. One day I found out about the situation and was able to put the patient—for that is what he was—in touch with an Old Gregorian who runs a clinic in Harley Street for the seriously addicted. The man concerned has not had a drink for the past four years, although he realises that once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. He is even able to talk to and joke with me about it now.

As a result of these two cases, it struck me that, of all the old boys’ societies, those of the Catholic schools should at least be trying to help their members where needed. So started a loosely organised support organisation, set up initially to help Old Gregorians and members of the wider Gregorian family who had fallen on hard times—parents, sisters and so on. The organisation had no title until one morning I heard Dom Antony Sutch (still Head Master of Downside) speaking on the Midweek BBC programme, when he quoted that part of the Rule of St Benedict which ran: “To give the strong something to strive for and not to break the bruised reed.” Henceforward, this organisation and those needing help have been called Bruised Reeds.

That was more than five years ago. Since then we have built up a long list of Bruised Reeds. Apart from a young OG (now 23) who was mugged in London and left half paralysed, we have, for example, “on the books” a number who have been in prison—we know of only one OG “inside” at the moment—seven or eight manic depressives (one might be suffering from some other mental illness), a number of very long term alcoholics, a number of young drug addicts and another few heavily addicted to gambling, an increasing number of miserably lonely people, seven diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, a (now discharged) bankrupt who had fallen from very high places, a parent who was in prison until quite recently and an Old Gregorian daughter/sister now happily out of prison where she languished for being a drug courier. For most of those Bruised Reeds, there is someone in touch with them, very often another Bruised Reed who is blissfully unaware that he, too, is thereby being helped!

We now have a group of Old Gregorian, and other, helpers dotted around the country, indeed we also have two in the States and one in Australia, one in France, another in Germany, one in Kenya and another in Brazil, one in Brussels, one in California, another in Luxembourg and one in Rome. These helpers are all either “looking after” someone down on his or her luck or, at least, standing by to do so. I am hoping to spread the net as necessary.

In the process, we have also collected—if that is the right word—an Old Amplefordian in prison and another who is a heroin addict. We also have come upon a Worth Old Boy who had been diagnosed as manic depressive. This, naturally, led to the obvious conclusion that the Bruised Reed organisation should be broadened to encompass alumni from the other Benedictine schools in Britain and I am happy to report that Abbot Stephen Ortiger and Andrew Boys reacted with much enthusiasm when I suggested Worth’s involvement.

In order to preserve the principle of contact from within the family, I have proposed that, where possible a Worth Old Boy Bruised Reed should be looked after by a member of the Worth family with the same continuing to apply to Bruised Reeds who belonged to the other family groups connected with Downside and Ampleforth. If, however, no help was immediately available from the relevant family group, then, of course, the net could and should be cast wider.

If you would like more information on how Bruised Reeds may be of service to you or someone you know please contact Father Kevin in confidence on 01342 710338. For information on how you can support the Bruised Reeds service contact Marie-Clare McMenemy, WOBS Secretary.