Old Boy Turns House-husband

It all changed for me when I was 35 and met Mary. We married 2 years later and the patter of some not so small feet came 11 months after that. Mary had a difficult time in childbirth. There were 11 of us in the operating theatre, 12 by the end. Mary had been drugged up to the eyeballs, her legs unceremoniously stuck in the stirrups with a low curtain divide at her torso. I sat beside her at the top end.

Joseph was hauled out with a pair of forceps, screaming. He was shown to us over the screen . I could not believe it, a boy. To be truthful I could not get my head around there being a baby and that it was our baby. Joseph was cleaned up, wrapped and presented to me. The moment I cupped him in my arms he stopped crying and I started. I passed Joseph to Mary and we became a family.

I was left holding our baby on that Monday morning as Mary closed the door behind her, on her first day back at work. The reality hit home. It was my responsibility to look after this small bundle of joy. Life was going to be different.

Mary and I had discussed our future together. We talked of the possibility of impending parenthood. If we could have a child, we wished for him, or her, to be healthy and happy and we wanted one of us to be at home for the little one. We needed to scrutinise our finances. Mary was happy with her job, had a bright future and enjoyed the intellectual stimulation. I did not like my job and did not have a great salary. Mary was to stay at work and I was to look after Joseph, to become a househusband. Yikes. I could cook, iron and drive so that was a start.

On the financial side of attempting to survive on one salary, it became clear that it would be easier than we thought. We made the necessary cutbacks and adjustments and found it strange that we lived just as well on one wage packet. Rather than dwelling on the upward curve of maintaining an ever-increasing lifestyle, we went back to basics. We now had the delight of Joseph and led a simpler life, on less money but definitely happier than before. We had made a big stride forward by starting with a small backward step.

We had more or less covered my previous salary. We did not need to pay for a child minder and as Mary took the bus in, there were no petrol or car park fees. We received a monthly child allowance (paid to every child in the country) and I transferred my tax allowance to Mary. In addition, while paying our mortgage, we could actually make use of the house during the day. Sorted.

The development of Joseph has been life changing. Each change is significant and holds more thrills than any purchase in the shops or any holiday. You have perhaps heard people talking about their children and wondered why they get so excited but it is the case of “you had to be there”, with your own children. You have to be a parent to understand the thrill of seeing the first time he: sits up, rolls across the floor, stands up, walks, eats food, or does a wee in his potty. Or indeed hearing his first words. That moment when your little boy runs up to you shouting “Daddy” and gives you a big hug is irreplaceable. You can see the proud look in other parent’s eyes with their own children. You feel you are making a positive contribution.

Joseph slept a great deal in his early days. He was a hungry lad so Mary was kept busy. She was a martyr to breast-feed for even 8 weeks because, despite a good supply it was never enough for his ravenous appetite. He drank about 60 fl oz of milk a day, which amounts to about three pints, and that’s impressive when it is his mother producing it. Doesn’t bear thinking about.

To keep the little fellow entertained, I joined a coffee morning with other Mums and their children. I was able to have a good chat and get important information about bringing up children from the horse’s mouth (no offence intended). Also a good source of second hand baby kit and even obtain casual labour as a gardener and handyman.

Mike and Nathan

I am not one to sit on the fence but I support and sympathise with the breadwinner and homemaker. I do enjoy the challenges, actively involved in Joseph’s upbringing and in making small sacrifices to make ends meets. It is a proper job and worth all the effort. It has to be a team performance from Mary, Joseph and I. We all have our part to play.

Our second child, a brother for Joseph, appeared on February 4th 2003 at 5.09 a.m. after an ambulance trip for Mary and an emergency caesarean under general anaesthetic. Nathan was a month premature but weighed in at 6 lb 14oz, which wasn’t bad. He has dark hair and a good colour in his skin. I brought him to Mary as she recovered from her anaesthetic. Unfortunately, Mary got an infection resulting from a blood clot that required a further operation and she, with Nathan, have only just emerged from hospital after three weeks. Nathan spent his first night in the special care baby unit because he had minor problems with his breathing but this sorted itself out by the next day. Our family is complete now that Mary and Nathan are finally at home.

I have had a variety of jobs but none as satisfying as the one I have now. The last three and a half years have flown by and the sheer delight of seeing Joseph grow up day by day has been a revelation. Now with Nathan born, it can all start over. He was a star the other night when he was borrowed for the antenatal class at the hospital. After all the talk about caesareans, the midwife decided to cheer up the future mothers by bringing in Nathan and saying: “But at the end of it, you have a baby like this.” He broke eight hearts that night, according to the midwife.

I would recommend the job of househusband to anyone who wants the joy of seeing their children grow up, the challenge of making ends meet and adapting to different environments. Recently, I was asked what my occupation was, I stated “househusband”. My reply was recorded as “homemaker”. Times are changing and so is political correctness.

Take the challenge!

Michael Tait (Gervase 1974-80)

This is an abrieviated version of the full article which will appear in the The Blue Paper 2003 (the annual newsletter of WOBS, which is sent to all members of WOBS). For membership of WOBS please contact the Secretary, Marie-Clare McMenemy, email: wobs@wobsnet.org.uk.